Picking up women is one of the most frustrating things any man can do. It takes a few key ingredients to do it effectively, and no, one of them is not devilishly good looks, or tons of money. I am a firm believer that any man, can get any woman. It just takes a few things.
The first and most important thing is CONFIDENCE, this is super important. No women out there want a guy who is shy and fidgety with them. That is unattractive, very very unattractive. Now don't try and over do your confidence, there is a fine line between confident, arrogant, egotistic, and just straight up being over cocky. Unless you can pull off the cocky thing, don't do it, its also quite unattractive. To build up your confidence is easy, the way I did it was just by telling myself that I am awesome. If you believe in yourself other people will believe it too. You will start to carry yourself differently, and people will notice it.
Moving on, after you have removed your tampon and sacked up enough to talk to said girl, you will still need something to talk about right, you know a funny opener that you got from reading that one book about being a pick-up artist. Something to lower her confidence perhaps, maybe a drink to offer her right? WRONG, you don't need anything to talk to a woman, you don't have to play games with them, give them funny openers to lower their guard, or offer them drinks to talk to you. FUCK ALL THAT NOISE, all you need to do is walk up to them and say "Hi", its the oldest and most effective opener out there. If you still haven't built up your confidence enough yet to do that then try this one; if you see that they are smoking just ask them to borrow a light, and take it from there. There isnt much needed to start a conversation with girls, but to get them to dance with you, get their number, maybe a kiss, or if you are good at what you do, get them to take you home. It takes much, much more.
Now that you have taken you first steps to talk to your woman of the night what else do you need? Something to talk about right? Well that is easy enough, You're at a bar, talk about monkeys for all i care. What you really need is something that sets you apart from the rest of the losers at the bar. Something that shows this girl that you are the prize, not her. You are the object of her desire, and you are that guy that she wants to get to know.......... preferably in the carnal sense. What do you do though? It's quite simple really, you just be you. Talk to her, find out what she likes, make her laugh, and if you can show her what a hot commodity you are, by talking to other women as well (insert devilish smile here). Just because you have made the conscious decision that you would like to sleep with this girl doesn't mean you shouldn't keep your options open. Not to mention this tends to make your current object of desire jealous, and gets them to fight for your attention.
Okay, now that you have gotten past the opening BS, you can move on to making your girl fall in love with you for the night. For this we must move back to what sets you apart from every other guy in the bar. Whether it be the fact that you have shown that you are the shining star of this venue and everyone wants to know you. Maybe its your awesome dancing skills that makes this girl think you can handle yourself in the bedroom as well. It could also be that fact that everyone you talk to laughs, therefore showing your comic side. It doesn't really matter, it just proves that you are the alpha male at this bar, and you are definitely worth getting to know.
So you have done everything you need to get this girl. All that is left is sealing the deal. Now this all falls onto what you want. Do you want a girlfriend? a fuck buddy? or maybe you want the proverbial one night stand. Depending on what you are looking for is what you need to do for this next step.
You want a G Friend, so what do you do? This is probably the hardest thing, you can't sleep with her on this most joyous night, and its not very advisable to even kiss them. The best possible solution is make you exit, and ask for their phone number. Easiest way for this, and you can in fact quote me, is " Well (insert name here) I have got to get going, but I had such a good time with you, and I would most definitely like to see you again." She will give you her number and that will be the end of that. Have fun being locked down.
Fuck buddies are pretty easily picked up. You just need to make your move and kiss her. This is done best on the dance floor, As you are dancing with your girly, get behind her, and place your hand on her stomach. Her natural reaction will be to place hers on yours. The moment that this happens, you grab her hand, spin her around to face you, and kiss her. One of three things will happen following this: 1. She slaps you and walks off, 2. She slaps you and stares at you, so you kiss her again, or 3. She embraces the kiss, and you are in my friend. After you go home with her, exchange numbers, and you have a permanent friend that likes to fellatio you on the weekends.
As for one night stands, its the same as picking up a fuck buddy, except that you dont give her your number when you leave the next morning while she is still sleeping. If you made the mistake of giving her your number just leave a note with a $20 on her nightstand saying " That was fun, I hope this covers it" and she will never call you again.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Priorities, Routines, and LOTS of beer
There is something about being in the military that generally makes you better than everyone else (that includes you). You learn about setting priorities, you make routines, and yes, you drink lots of beer. Let me emphasize that one, when I say lots of beer, I mean think about how much you beer you drink, have you done it? Now triple that. Now let me explain the importants of all of this. Sometimes in life people get depressed, sad, or they just basically suck. That is because they don't understand the importance of routines, and setting your priorities (the beer is just for fun). Obviously the more important of the 3 is priorities, lets talk about that for a minute.
Setting your priorities straight is the basic principle of being happy, and being happy is the first step of reaching you level of awesome (results may vary). When looking at your life and deciding what priorities you need to organize, you should always look at what is important, IE. money. Money is probably the number one priority on any ones list, but to have money you need to have work. So what should your priority be??????? Here is a quick example. I have been deployed now for a year, upon going back to the states it is always good to know exactly what your priorities should be. Mine for instant, is hung my family, probably go out to eat with them, then get smashed and find some chick to sleep with. That is a good priority order, you should always do whats important first, Then get shit faced drunk and sleep with some random hot chick. Awesome
Moving on to routines, these are basically your everyday schedule type thing. You should always follow some form of routine because it helps you be more organized, which equals more time to be awesome. Most jobs in life require you to have some sort of routine. My jobs is, wake up brush my teeth, shave, do pt, shower, go back to work and sit around until 2 o'clock in the afternoon then do some work until about 5 and that's when I go home. Once you get home that is where your routines need to come into play. Like go home shower again (nobody likes to smell like their job), dinner, if your job has a lot of writing then knock out whatever paper or report you need done, and then proceed to the best part of your routine.
BEER!!!!!! Beer is important in your everyday life for two reasons. 1. It's delicious, and 2. it helps keep you from going insane depending on what type of work you do. Don't over do it though during a work week, because that will completely fuck up your routines and your priorities (trust me I know). Oh yeah I almost forgot Karaoke is always a fun routine.
Basically what I am saying is that if you straighten out your priorities, make a routine, and drink beer, you will turn your average frustrating life into an organized, fun, worthwhile, awesome life.
Setting your priorities straight is the basic principle of being happy, and being happy is the first step of reaching you level of awesome (results may vary). When looking at your life and deciding what priorities you need to organize, you should always look at what is important, IE. money. Money is probably the number one priority on any ones list, but to have money you need to have work. So what should your priority be??????? Here is a quick example. I have been deployed now for a year, upon going back to the states it is always good to know exactly what your priorities should be. Mine for instant, is hung my family, probably go out to eat with them, then get smashed and find some chick to sleep with. That is a good priority order, you should always do whats important first, Then get shit faced drunk and sleep with some random hot chick. Awesome
Moving on to routines, these are basically your everyday schedule type thing. You should always follow some form of routine because it helps you be more organized, which equals more time to be awesome. Most jobs in life require you to have some sort of routine. My jobs is, wake up brush my teeth, shave, do pt, shower, go back to work and sit around until 2 o'clock in the afternoon then do some work until about 5 and that's when I go home. Once you get home that is where your routines need to come into play. Like go home shower again (nobody likes to smell like their job), dinner, if your job has a lot of writing then knock out whatever paper or report you need done, and then proceed to the best part of your routine.
BEER!!!!!! Beer is important in your everyday life for two reasons. 1. It's delicious, and 2. it helps keep you from going insane depending on what type of work you do. Don't over do it though during a work week, because that will completely fuck up your routines and your priorities (trust me I know). Oh yeah I almost forgot Karaoke is always a fun routine.
Basically what I am saying is that if you straighten out your priorities, make a routine, and drink beer, you will turn your average frustrating life into an organized, fun, worthwhile, awesome life.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
151, and Stubby McNubs... and how being on the verge of alcohol poisoning saved my life.
When you have been drinking for a long time, like myself, you tend to learn things. Many, many things, can help make you or break you, depending on what type of person you are. One thing that I have learned, it is never good to drink 12 shots of Bacardi 151 in a short period of time, like back to back........ Now that I have you interested, here is the tale of the one exception to this rule.
Chop, Wang, Dupree, and myself are at are favorite bar in NC on Friday night. Let's call it Valentine's (No it's not a gay bar). This is a typical Friday night of heavy drinking, dancing, and karaoke, but there always comes that point when you see your limit, and decide to say "Fuck it, lets do shots". This was definitely one of those moments. Now to understand why this is our favorite bar, you need to realize that we basically run shop. This was one of those nights when the owner made the massively huge mistake of letting Wang bartend, which always means "Free Drinks" for Chop, Dupree, and I. Having established all of this, here is where things went wrong, horribly wrong. This night is a night just like any other Friday night. Chop is doing flips on the dance floor, Dupree is flopping around like a dead fish trying to do the worm, and I am fight with my ex-girlfriend Ro while having another chick tell me that she is not pregnant (thank god). Having finally gotten my phone to stop ringing, I decide to celebrate my new exciting news of not being a father. I have Wang pour the first round, Tequila yum. The celebration turns quickly from stellar to completely awesome when I go up to sing some Karaoke, (I am pretty sure it was " Wheel in the sky" by Journey) not sure though. Well the singing turns into dancing, and the dancing turns into some really hot chick felashing me in the bathroom (baller son).
Well you know how those super awesome nights can always take a turn for the worse, this is one of those nights. After miss awesome finishes up with her job, I go back out to the bar for some post BJ shots. Not exactly sure what to get the 4 of us, I sit and ponder for a moment. That is when SHE walked up...... Stubby McNubs. Holy "what in the fuck allowed this into the room" shit. Ms. Nubs is a chick who when you look at her left side she looks semi decent, then she turned, and I noticed something missing. Then I realized, it was her fucking arm, that's right, her fucking arm was gone from the elbow down. Realizing what I have just witnessed I tell Wang to pour me something to get that image out of my head. Of course Wang is an asshole and pours me the strongest thing at the bar. Bacardi 151, and me being drunk and not really paying attention drink it without a second glance, the sad thing is, I thought it tasted good. Eureka, I have found our shots, and quickly tell Wang to pour 4 more for our group. Him being a responsible bartender ( and the only truly sober one there) says that I can have his (big mistake buddy). I quickly grab up Chop and Dupree, and hand them there shots. Chop knows right off the bat that this is 151 and laughs in my face denying the shot. Dupree follows suit. This leaves me with four shots of 151 and of course me being more awesome then the 4 of them combined (and I was extremely plastered at this time). I get the bright idea to take all 4 straight to the dome. Well obviously this blows every ones mind (even the 62 year old alcoholic sitting next to me). Well now that my awesomeness (and stupidity) have shined bright, I reply to this shock and awe with " Well shit, that's nothing, Wang line up 4 more". Unfortunately Wang does as he is told, and I take 4 more shots of 151 straight to the head. If you have been keeping count that's 8. Once again jaws drop, and once again, I tell Wang to line 'em up, once again he obeys. 4 more shots, and I light up a cigarette. This is where disaster really strikes.
As we all know now, I am ballsy as hell, and I don't truly care about my limitations. Thank god for that. Because shortly after the 12 shots of Bacardi 151 kick in, Stubby McNubs starts sidling up to me. Obviously I hang out with complete and total assholes, they watch and laugh. With my head on the bar, a cigarette in my mouth and Stubby massaging my neck with her good hand, I black the fuck out, and wake up the next morning on my friend Dean's couch with a splitting headache and my phone dead. Dean and his girlfriend Tara fill me in on what happened. I started vomiting violently in the parking lot, and passed out mere inches away from it, so Chop, Wang, and Dupree brought me here through me on the couch and put a trashcan in front of my face. They leave and go back to the bar, grab Stubby, and her friend Jamie (EWWWWWWWWWW), take them to a sleazy motel room and tag team the pair. When they make it back to Dean's in the morning and tell me of their shame, I light up a smoke and begin to think to myself "THANK YOU GOD" (see he really does care about us drunks).
Chop, Wang, Dupree, and myself are at are favorite bar in NC on Friday night. Let's call it Valentine's (No it's not a gay bar). This is a typical Friday night of heavy drinking, dancing, and karaoke, but there always comes that point when you see your limit, and decide to say "Fuck it, lets do shots". This was definitely one of those moments. Now to understand why this is our favorite bar, you need to realize that we basically run shop. This was one of those nights when the owner made the massively huge mistake of letting Wang bartend, which always means "Free Drinks" for Chop, Dupree, and I. Having established all of this, here is where things went wrong, horribly wrong. This night is a night just like any other Friday night. Chop is doing flips on the dance floor, Dupree is flopping around like a dead fish trying to do the worm, and I am fight with my ex-girlfriend Ro while having another chick tell me that she is not pregnant (thank god). Having finally gotten my phone to stop ringing, I decide to celebrate my new exciting news of not being a father. I have Wang pour the first round, Tequila yum. The celebration turns quickly from stellar to completely awesome when I go up to sing some Karaoke, (I am pretty sure it was " Wheel in the sky" by Journey) not sure though. Well the singing turns into dancing, and the dancing turns into some really hot chick felashing me in the bathroom (baller son).
Well you know how those super awesome nights can always take a turn for the worse, this is one of those nights. After miss awesome finishes up with her job, I go back out to the bar for some post BJ shots. Not exactly sure what to get the 4 of us, I sit and ponder for a moment. That is when SHE walked up...... Stubby McNubs. Holy "what in the fuck allowed this into the room" shit. Ms. Nubs is a chick who when you look at her left side she looks semi decent, then she turned, and I noticed something missing. Then I realized, it was her fucking arm, that's right, her fucking arm was gone from the elbow down. Realizing what I have just witnessed I tell Wang to pour me something to get that image out of my head. Of course Wang is an asshole and pours me the strongest thing at the bar. Bacardi 151, and me being drunk and not really paying attention drink it without a second glance, the sad thing is, I thought it tasted good. Eureka, I have found our shots, and quickly tell Wang to pour 4 more for our group. Him being a responsible bartender ( and the only truly sober one there) says that I can have his (big mistake buddy). I quickly grab up Chop and Dupree, and hand them there shots. Chop knows right off the bat that this is 151 and laughs in my face denying the shot. Dupree follows suit. This leaves me with four shots of 151 and of course me being more awesome then the 4 of them combined (and I was extremely plastered at this time). I get the bright idea to take all 4 straight to the dome. Well obviously this blows every ones mind (even the 62 year old alcoholic sitting next to me). Well now that my awesomeness (and stupidity) have shined bright, I reply to this shock and awe with " Well shit, that's nothing, Wang line up 4 more". Unfortunately Wang does as he is told, and I take 4 more shots of 151 straight to the head. If you have been keeping count that's 8. Once again jaws drop, and once again, I tell Wang to line 'em up, once again he obeys. 4 more shots, and I light up a cigarette. This is where disaster really strikes.
As we all know now, I am ballsy as hell, and I don't truly care about my limitations. Thank god for that. Because shortly after the 12 shots of Bacardi 151 kick in, Stubby McNubs starts sidling up to me. Obviously I hang out with complete and total assholes, they watch and laugh. With my head on the bar, a cigarette in my mouth and Stubby massaging my neck with her good hand, I black the fuck out, and wake up the next morning on my friend Dean's couch with a splitting headache and my phone dead. Dean and his girlfriend Tara fill me in on what happened. I started vomiting violently in the parking lot, and passed out mere inches away from it, so Chop, Wang, and Dupree brought me here through me on the couch and put a trashcan in front of my face. They leave and go back to the bar, grab Stubby, and her friend Jamie (EWWWWWWWWWW), take them to a sleazy motel room and tag team the pair. When they make it back to Dean's in the morning and tell me of their shame, I light up a smoke and begin to think to myself "THANK YOU GOD" (see he really does care about us drunks).
Friday, January 20, 2012
So..... You're Fat!!!!!
Recent studies have shown that a majority of the American people are fat, obese, and slobby. There is a simple, and easy solution to this problem....... STOP FUCKING EATING!!!!. Now I am by no means saying starve yourself, or start throwing up after meals, that shit is not healthy by any means. What I am saying is that you can eat healthy, and exercise (trust me, it does in fact work). Basically what American society is saying is that we are lazy.
I would like to quote the comical genius of Dennis Leary. He stated in a stand up of his on why he could never be fat. " When I wake up and cant see my dick, I STOP EATING" I don't know about the rest of the male population in America, but I love my dick, I love being able to wake up and say "Good morning buddy, are you ready to get some tonight?" Enough is enough, people need to quit with the excuses, quit with the whining, and quit with the whole being lazy bull shit. If you are reading this, then you are here because you want to learn how to quit being a pathetic fat piece of shit, that nobody wants to talk to. So I am here to help.
For starters, you need to go on a diet. Yes diets do in fact work, but you need to follow them, and you cannot cheat them. In the end, you will be a better, healthier person. There are many different types of diets out there in today's society, and some of them are stupid, but a majority of them will actually work for you. (The biggest loser is not one of them). Carbs can be healthy, but you have have to eat them according to your diet. Fatty foods like Burgers, fries, milkshakes, and anything from Taco Bell are completely fine to eat, but you have to exercise to keep that weight off of you. You cant just eat and not exercise otherwise you are doing nothing for yourself, dumb ass.
When it comes to exercising, you cant just follow what other people do, you have to do what works for you. Every one is different, and so should your exercises. One thing that you can always do to help you cut fat is, you guessed it, GET YOUR FAT, LAZY ASS OUT THERE AND START RUNNING! Running is one of the best ways to cut fat, but you have to mix it up. Don't just try and run 10 miles a day, because you are going to destroy your knees. Start out with 1 to 2 miles at an easy 9 minute mile pace 3 times a week. Then mix it up with 100 meter sprints, a lot of 100 meter sprints. Another good way to cut fat is by going to your local swimming pool and actually doing laps, a lot of laps. Swimming is one of the best things you can do, it literal works every single muscle in your body. Once again you have to mix it up with different types of strokes. Do one week of nothing but free style, and move on to your back, or breast stroke. If you are coordinated enough to do it, definitely do the butterfly (you know that stroke that Michael Phelps destroyed everyone in). Its not going to happen over night though, you need to remember that, it takes time and patience to whip your fat ass into shape.
Another thing you need to remember is weight training. It is important to strengthen your muscles by lifting some mother fucking weights. You don't want to waste your muscles, use them. Trust me ladies will love it when you are in shape. You don't need to be monstrously huge, but you don't want to be super skinny either. Think Georges St. Pierre, try and work for that type of body. Chicks will be crawling all over you.
Alright, I have given you the tips, I have given you what you need to succeed, now get your fat ass out there and start your new diet, your new workouts, and your new life leading you to total awesomeness. If my buddy Jack can do it, you can do it too. Just quit being a lazy piece of shit who eats nothing but junk.
Note: Jack is a very good friend of mine, who was close to weighing 300 pounds, but with a strong diet, and exercise, he is now fucking jacked and weighing 195 pounds, and he is a prime example of awesomeness.
I would like to quote the comical genius of Dennis Leary. He stated in a stand up of his on why he could never be fat. " When I wake up and cant see my dick, I STOP EATING" I don't know about the rest of the male population in America, but I love my dick, I love being able to wake up and say "Good morning buddy, are you ready to get some tonight?" Enough is enough, people need to quit with the excuses, quit with the whining, and quit with the whole being lazy bull shit. If you are reading this, then you are here because you want to learn how to quit being a pathetic fat piece of shit, that nobody wants to talk to. So I am here to help.
For starters, you need to go on a diet. Yes diets do in fact work, but you need to follow them, and you cannot cheat them. In the end, you will be a better, healthier person. There are many different types of diets out there in today's society, and some of them are stupid, but a majority of them will actually work for you. (The biggest loser is not one of them). Carbs can be healthy, but you have have to eat them according to your diet. Fatty foods like Burgers, fries, milkshakes, and anything from Taco Bell are completely fine to eat, but you have to exercise to keep that weight off of you. You cant just eat and not exercise otherwise you are doing nothing for yourself, dumb ass.
When it comes to exercising, you cant just follow what other people do, you have to do what works for you. Every one is different, and so should your exercises. One thing that you can always do to help you cut fat is, you guessed it, GET YOUR FAT, LAZY ASS OUT THERE AND START RUNNING! Running is one of the best ways to cut fat, but you have to mix it up. Don't just try and run 10 miles a day, because you are going to destroy your knees. Start out with 1 to 2 miles at an easy 9 minute mile pace 3 times a week. Then mix it up with 100 meter sprints, a lot of 100 meter sprints. Another good way to cut fat is by going to your local swimming pool and actually doing laps, a lot of laps. Swimming is one of the best things you can do, it literal works every single muscle in your body. Once again you have to mix it up with different types of strokes. Do one week of nothing but free style, and move on to your back, or breast stroke. If you are coordinated enough to do it, definitely do the butterfly (you know that stroke that Michael Phelps destroyed everyone in). Its not going to happen over night though, you need to remember that, it takes time and patience to whip your fat ass into shape.
Another thing you need to remember is weight training. It is important to strengthen your muscles by lifting some mother fucking weights. You don't want to waste your muscles, use them. Trust me ladies will love it when you are in shape. You don't need to be monstrously huge, but you don't want to be super skinny either. Think Georges St. Pierre, try and work for that type of body. Chicks will be crawling all over you.
Alright, I have given you the tips, I have given you what you need to succeed, now get your fat ass out there and start your new diet, your new workouts, and your new life leading you to total awesomeness. If my buddy Jack can do it, you can do it too. Just quit being a lazy piece of shit who eats nothing but junk.
Note: Jack is a very good friend of mine, who was close to weighing 300 pounds, but with a strong diet, and exercise, he is now fucking jacked and weighing 195 pounds, and he is a prime example of awesomeness.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Do You Smell That???
So I have been reading alot of magazines lately, and I have noticed one major thing they all have in common. They all have ads for different types of fragrances with little tabs where you can actually smell them. Problem with that is you have a good smelling type of cologne or perfume, mixed with the smell of stale paper, and peoples grubby hands. So you don't actually get the full effect of the smell. I for one do not agree with this because, lets face it, it's fucking gross to think how many hands have touched this small section of the magazine. In lieu of my personal feelings of this (and the simple fact that I myself am a cologne connoisseur) I have put together some steps to finding your perfect smell. Male or Female, it will work for you.
Step 1: Take a shower. Obviously if you want to smell good you need to take a shower. Nobody likes sweaty BO, or the smell of you dog or cat. When choosing soap or body wash products you need to look at the different type of smells. Minty products are good if you want to smell like menthol cigarettes, but not to many people like that smell (plus it really burns your eyes, whether or not you get it in your eyes). Fruity smells are good, and women tend to like it because its a very noticeable smell to them (They use a lot of fruity shit). For the man that does not want to smell like a woman though, you want to go with something that has some spice to it. My personal preference is most axe products, and something that has some type of moisturizer. You need to keep you skin soft, women and men alike like someone with soft skin.
Step 2: Find your smell. There are many different types of people out there, and many different types of smells. To find your perfect cologne or perfume (stay the fuck away from body sprays, they smell like aerosol) you have to find what fits you. The best way to do this is to sample everything when you are shopping, and that does not mean apply it to yourself. A quick spray on one of those little paper tabs and you should be fine. ( here is a tip guys, take a chick with you) You never want to find anything to musky, If you want that smell let your dog spray you and mark you as his territory (its the same thing). You want preferably want something that is sweet with a little bit of spice to it. Something that says " I smell like a sweet rose, but remember babe, I have thorns".
Step 3: Don't over do it. You may have gotten the perfect scent for you, but remember you don't want people to gag because of the overwhelming aroma when they get to close to you. You never need more than two to three sprays. One on the neck, your shirt, and if you're like me and you actually dance with women one on your belt line. It also never hurts to put a small dab behind your ears, ( this is for when a woman gets super close to talk to you, you gets that nice whiff). Do not bath in your fragrance, you will look and smell like a jerk.
Step 4: Don't ever talk about your cologne. This is pretty much self explanatory. Obviously when someone makes a comment about your cologne, humor them, but do not over do it. A simple " Why thank you, it's super cool for men, by smiles" will suffice. No one cares about the process of you picking this certain scent that you like.
So this has been my guide to finding your smell. Follow these easy steps and in no time you will be turning heads, and getting women just because they want to smell you. There really is nothing to it, but for some odd reason people still cant figure it out. It's simple if you smell awesome, chicks will want to talk to you. If you smell normal, bartenders may talk to you. If you smell like ass, no one will want to talk to you. Its always good to smell above the rest of the crowd.
For those of you who don't like to shop for cologne here are some types that you may like:
Armani Code: An everyday scent that is good to wear to the grocery store or the bar/club
Lacoste (any type really): A sporty scent that is good for a day of golf at your local country club, or day drinking sports bar
Calvin Klein Euphoria: A classy, sweet smell for when you want women to try and rip you clothes off to get at that
Versaci Pour Homme: Another classy smell, good for most gentleman's clubs or relaxing at your favorite watering hole
Tommy Bahama Set Sail St Barts: Perfect for day drinking and any beach like or outdoor bar
Burberry Brit: Very classy for when you want to impress that special girl with a romantic dinner
Ralph Lauren Romance Silver: When you really need class, and you're going to some type of formal, ball, or ballet.
Candies for Men: A sweet smell, perfect for anything really
Stay the fuck away from aftershave. No woman wants a man that smells like her dad.
Step 1: Take a shower. Obviously if you want to smell good you need to take a shower. Nobody likes sweaty BO, or the smell of you dog or cat. When choosing soap or body wash products you need to look at the different type of smells. Minty products are good if you want to smell like menthol cigarettes, but not to many people like that smell (plus it really burns your eyes, whether or not you get it in your eyes). Fruity smells are good, and women tend to like it because its a very noticeable smell to them (They use a lot of fruity shit). For the man that does not want to smell like a woman though, you want to go with something that has some spice to it. My personal preference is most axe products, and something that has some type of moisturizer. You need to keep you skin soft, women and men alike like someone with soft skin.
Step 2: Find your smell. There are many different types of people out there, and many different types of smells. To find your perfect cologne or perfume (stay the fuck away from body sprays, they smell like aerosol) you have to find what fits you. The best way to do this is to sample everything when you are shopping, and that does not mean apply it to yourself. A quick spray on one of those little paper tabs and you should be fine. ( here is a tip guys, take a chick with you) You never want to find anything to musky, If you want that smell let your dog spray you and mark you as his territory (its the same thing). You want preferably want something that is sweet with a little bit of spice to it. Something that says " I smell like a sweet rose, but remember babe, I have thorns".
Step 3: Don't over do it. You may have gotten the perfect scent for you, but remember you don't want people to gag because of the overwhelming aroma when they get to close to you. You never need more than two to three sprays. One on the neck, your shirt, and if you're like me and you actually dance with women one on your belt line. It also never hurts to put a small dab behind your ears, ( this is for when a woman gets super close to talk to you, you gets that nice whiff). Do not bath in your fragrance, you will look and smell like a jerk.
Step 4: Don't ever talk about your cologne. This is pretty much self explanatory. Obviously when someone makes a comment about your cologne, humor them, but do not over do it. A simple " Why thank you, it's super cool for men, by smiles" will suffice. No one cares about the process of you picking this certain scent that you like.
So this has been my guide to finding your smell. Follow these easy steps and in no time you will be turning heads, and getting women just because they want to smell you. There really is nothing to it, but for some odd reason people still cant figure it out. It's simple if you smell awesome, chicks will want to talk to you. If you smell normal, bartenders may talk to you. If you smell like ass, no one will want to talk to you. Its always good to smell above the rest of the crowd.
For those of you who don't like to shop for cologne here are some types that you may like:
Armani Code: An everyday scent that is good to wear to the grocery store or the bar/club
Lacoste (any type really): A sporty scent that is good for a day of golf at your local country club, or day drinking sports bar
Calvin Klein Euphoria: A classy, sweet smell for when you want women to try and rip you clothes off to get at that
Versaci Pour Homme: Another classy smell, good for most gentleman's clubs or relaxing at your favorite watering hole
Tommy Bahama Set Sail St Barts: Perfect for day drinking and any beach like or outdoor bar
Burberry Brit: Very classy for when you want to impress that special girl with a romantic dinner
Ralph Lauren Romance Silver: When you really need class, and you're going to some type of formal, ball, or ballet.
Candies for Men: A sweet smell, perfect for anything really
Stay the fuck away from aftershave. No woman wants a man that smells like her dad.
Monday, January 16, 2012
History can be fun.
Throughout recorded history there have been many people who have reached a certain level of greatness. This great achievement is known as, Awesomeness. A term not always used by people who have reached this level, but its always included. For many centuries people have tried, and failed to reach this most prestigious title. Many of them of given up in their trials, others have gone as far as maiming themselves, but you have that select few who have made the climb, fought so valiently, to reach a level of awesomeness all their own. You know their names, you know what they have done, and you respect the hell out of them. Probably the most awesome man throughtout history, Jesus Christ, reached such a level of awesomeness that people can only begin to fathom. And he worked his ass off for it, and still got crucified. You will notice that on your journey for this great achievement that people become jealous, loathsome, even sometimes (in Jesus' case) violent. Lets learn a little bit about these "Legends of Awesome"
We already know of Jesus and some of the things he did (turned water into wine, and then walked on water. Crazy right?) but what about other Legends out there:
Genghis Khan: Scared the chinese so horribly bad they built an entire wall around there country so he couldnt get in. Fucking awesome man
Alexander the Great: Added the word Great (The predecessor of the word Awesome) into his name, and it stuck. Most people who give themselves a nickname are total chodes
Adolf Hitler ( Yeah I got it): United the German people, and made them murder millions of innocent Jews. I dont know about you but that is pretty baller
George Washington: Do I really need to explain on this one??? Founding father of the greatest country in the world, and bad ass military tacticion.
Napoleon Bonaparte: Short dude took over most of the eastern world. Not to mention he was short as fuck and instilled fear in people 3 times his size.
Achilles: Dude, Troy, Nuff said.
Ludwig van Beethoven: Revolutionized the classical music gig, and he was deaf.
These are the Legends who have done many different things, and though some are bad, many of them are good. These are the originators, the ones who made it to the top. The men who have achieved the greatest title that most of you strive for. These are the men who define the word Awesome. I myself wish to one day be known with these great minds. I think we should all strive to be like some of these men.
We already know of Jesus and some of the things he did (turned water into wine, and then walked on water. Crazy right?) but what about other Legends out there:
Genghis Khan: Scared the chinese so horribly bad they built an entire wall around there country so he couldnt get in. Fucking awesome man
Alexander the Great: Added the word Great (The predecessor of the word Awesome) into his name, and it stuck. Most people who give themselves a nickname are total chodes
Adolf Hitler ( Yeah I got it): United the German people, and made them murder millions of innocent Jews. I dont know about you but that is pretty baller
George Washington: Do I really need to explain on this one??? Founding father of the greatest country in the world, and bad ass military tacticion.
Napoleon Bonaparte: Short dude took over most of the eastern world. Not to mention he was short as fuck and instilled fear in people 3 times his size.
Achilles: Dude, Troy, Nuff said.
Ludwig van Beethoven: Revolutionized the classical music gig, and he was deaf.
These are the Legends who have done many different things, and though some are bad, many of them are good. These are the originators, the ones who made it to the top. The men who have achieved the greatest title that most of you strive for. These are the men who define the word Awesome. I myself wish to one day be known with these great minds. I think we should all strive to be like some of these men.
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